Whole Again
by StarSapphire16
Summary: Somehow, he slipped into the cracks of her soul. And she’ll do anything to be whole again. Dean/Jo Post S3 Finale. Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

This is my first ever multi-chaptered fic so I'm quite excited to be posting it! It will be a Dean/Jo and the majority of it is written, but that could totally change depending on the feedback!I don't get any emails from FF .net so while I'll be able to read your reviews, I won't be able to reply! I will, however, pm anyone who leaves a signed review!

Thanks to my beta, Ashley for all her wonderful comments :)

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It's been three weeks and one day since Dean Winchester was taken to Hell. Three weeks and one day since the hellhounds came and three weeks since Jo had heard the truth from Ellen and moved in with her and Bobby at the new Roadhouse. She remembers that day as if it were yesterday.

_Jo walks into the Roadhouse, surprised to hear Led Zeppelin playing on the jukebox. She turns, half expecting to see Dean Winchester looking her way, with that sexy half-smirk and those deep green eyes. Instead, she sees her mother at the bar and while her first thought is relief that she's okay, her second thought is that she's never before seen her mother so broken._

_Ellen never knew Dean Winchester before John died, and she still doesn't know him as well as she wants to. He would do anything for his brother and she's slowly realized that he would do anything for her daughter. She meant what she said to Sam a year and a half ago: she forgave John Winchester a long time ago. She knows that Dean hides behind the façade of being scared of her, but in reality, Ellen knows that no one else would have done the things for Jo that he did. Anyone else would have let her die. _

_Ellen hears the footsteps and looks up, seeing Jo. Her depression abates as her eyes light up and she's wrapped Jo in her arms faster than she kicked out the last man who tried to feel her up. All is forgotten as mother and daughter hold onto each other, relieved to know that the other is alive. _

_Finally, Jo steps out of her mother's embrace long enough to ask questions. She knows something is wrong, yet she starts out with the easiest question. She thinks. "Mom, why's Zeppelin playing on the jukebox? You hate Zeppelin." _

_Ellen's answer is not what Jo expects. "It's the only way I know how to pay him the respect he deserves." She speaks simply, hoping that her words will help convey to Jo the gravity of what has happened. _

_Jo thinks she understands what her mother means and that scares her more than anything. "Mom, what are you talking about?" _

_That's when Ellen tells her. About everything. About Sam dying and Dean killing Yellow-Eyes. Then she tells her about the deal Dean made. When Ellen gets to the part about Dean being taken, Jo falls to her knees, her legs crumpling beneath her. She doesn't make a sound, her silent sobs more heart wrenching than a banshee's howl. _

_Jo wishes she'd come home a couple days earlier, if only to say goodbye. _

The first couple of days she lives in denial. She tends bar waiting for him to walk through the door. She plays Zeppelin and Black Sabbath as her way of calling him home – home to her, anyway. She calls his phone to tell him about a hunt, only to throw the phone at the wall when she realizes he's gone. She sends him e-mails about the crazy things her mom and Bobby do only to get a phone call from Sam asking her if she needs to talk. She ignores the urge to tell him the truth, knowing that he feels guilty enough about not being able to save Dean the way Dean had saved him. She brushes Sam off with some feeble excuse and Sam's so emotionally broken that he buys it. She makes him promise that if he ever needs anything, he'll call her, Bobby or Ellen. She realizes that they're the only sort of makeshift, dysfunctional family he has now and refuses to give up on him. If saving Dean is impossible, then Jo will do the next best thing and save his brother, doing what Dean died for.

Ellen and Bobby try to talk to her, hoping that she'll finally admit what's wrong – hoping she'll finally admit that she feels something. She asks Bobby to tell her about Dean as a child, avoiding talking about her own feelings while learning more about the man she let get away, the man that she thought she might love, realizing that only after he was gone. Ellen refuses to be swayed, but after being told by Jo for the fourth time that she's alright, she gives up after setting a shot of Jack in front of her daughter.

Four days after Jo returns to the Roadhouse, she receives a letter in the mail. The handwriting is familiar and her blood runs cold. The return address is _Hell_ and Jo can't help but smile through her tears at Dean's attempt at gallows humor. Her hands shake as she opens the envelope and a piece of paper falls out, along with an amulet she assumes is for her. His words are simple.

"_I wish it had been the right place, the right time. I wish I'd called. Take care of yourself, Jo. – Dean. P.S. Every hunter needs some sort of protection_"

She grabs the amulet and fastens the clasp around her neck. Somewhere, deep inside of her, Jo knows she'll never take it off. The amulet is silver with intricate symbols. Jo looks closely at the back and smiles when she sees the letters "R.E.O." embedded in the silver.

After getting the letter from Dean, she likes to pretend that it doesn't matter, that he didn't matter. She tries to move on. She tries to hunt. But she knows it's a lie and after two weeks of insomnia, sleeping only by listening to his voicemail greeting on a loop, she realizes that she can't sit here and do nothing. Dean had admitted that she was a hunter, and that gives her the strength to know that she can't be a hunter unless she hunts something. She has to try and get him back. She knows it's insane, and she never knew him the way she wanted to, but somehow, he slipped into the cracks of her soul. And she'll do anything to be whole again.

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Thanks for reading and remember to review! XoXo - Becky :)


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks so much for all of the reviews! Generally, you all are liking this story and that makes me very happy!! I can't get any FF .net emails so I promise to PM anyone who leaves a signed review with a reply! I hope you enjoy this next chapter!

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Sam finally shows up and after first saying he's ok and downing a shot of holy water, he finally lets Ellen baby him the best way she can. She makes him eggs and bacon in the morning, sandwiches and beer for a late lunch, followed by lasagna and whiskey for dinner. He begins to relax and on his third night there, Jo notices that he's really sleeping, Ruby's knife on the floor beside him. She covers him with a blanket and turns off the living room light.

Jo spends the week collecting information about the Crossroads Demon and stocks up on protection charms. She hides her plans from her mother and Sam, knowing that her mother wouldn't understand, that Sam's hopes would rise, but she's pretty sure that Bobby knows when he gives her an encouraging smile as she asks about summoning demons. She grabs enough chalk to make a thousand Devil's Traps and enough rock salt to last her a lifetime. She steals the ingredients of Bobby's for summoning demons, promising herself that she will pay him back when the time comes. The night she leaves, she steals all the cash in her mother's purse, leaving a note that says _I love him._ Hoping her mother will know what she means, Jo walks into the living room to hear Sam snoring. This time the knife isn't on the floor and it takes a couple minutes for Jo to see the silver of the blade sticking out from under Sam's pillow. It seems his nightmares have returned.

Jo is careful as she eases her hands under Sam's pillow and slides the blade out from underneath it. He told her about Ruby and the knife a few days before and it quickly became the final piece in her puzzle to save Dean. She cradles the knife in her hands, careful to make sure that the moonlight does not reflect upon it and awaken Sam. She slides the blade into a case with a Devil's Trap marked on it to protect it from the demons she plans to summon. Sam's jeans are lying on the floor next to the couch and Jo takes the keys to the Impala from inside them, leaving behind a note saying _I promise to return them._

When Jo is sure she has all she needs, she grabs her backpack, the keys and the knife before getting into the Impala. She revs the engine, puts her foot to the gas and takes off down the winding road on her way to the closest crossroads.

* * *

When Sam wakes up in the morning, the first thing he notices is that the knife no longer resides underneath his pillow. His first thought is that it has fallen to the floor, but when he looks to the floor he is shocked to find the blade gone as well as the keys to the Impala. He sees Jo's note and doesn't know whether to laugh or to cry. Times like these are times when Jo Harvelle reminds him of Dean so much that Sam misses Dean more than ever.

He throws on his pants and walks downstairs to the bar. Ellen's already there and when she sees Sam, she smiles. "Sam, have you seen Jo? I can't find her and wondered if she was upstairs talking to you."

"Ellen, she's gone." Sam tries to break this to Ellen gently, but he knows that Jo is gone and they need to find her.

"Gone?" Ellen decides to play dumb for now, hoping that her instincts are wrong.

"I woke up and the knife was gone, along with the keys to the Impala." Sam can't stop himself from sounding slightly panicked now.

Ellen looks under the bar for her purse and comes up holding the note Jo left inside. She turns to Sam and hands him the note.

"Ellen? What does this mean?"

"It means she went to get him out." Ellen speaks this with finality and Sam realizes where Jo went.

"Ellen, we have to find her!" Sam has already lost Dean and he can't bear to lose another member of his family, no matter how loose and improvised that family is.

Ellen shakes her head and Sam is shocked, waiting for her explanation. "Sam, I want her back just as much as you do, but this is something she needs to do on her own."

Sam can't believe what Ellen is saying. It was only a year and a half ago that Ellen freaked out about Jo going hunting on her own and he wonders what has changed since then. He asks and is surprised with Ellen's answer.

"She was gone for over a year and she came back alive. I figure that she's got good judgment and I should trust it. I know her, Sam, and she wouldn't have left without having a plan. It will unfold, trust me, and even if she fails, at least I know why she did it." Ellen is silent for a minute, and Sam knows that it's killing her inside to admit all of this to him of all people. He places his hand on hers and squeezes it. She smiles back and changes the subject.

"Sam, do you want eggs or waffles today?"

* * *

Jo's drive is long and she spends her time listening to the old school rock she finds in the Impala. She's shocked when she finds an REO Speedwagon tape inside and can't help but feel wistful. As she listens to the music, she remembers the last time she saw him, remembers the things he said. _I don't want your blood on my hands_, he'd said. She can only hope that she doesn't fail, because if she does, then all his tries at staying away have been for naught. She almost wishes that she hadn't given in to him that time, wishes that she had followed him to find Sam. Maybe it would have been more than a one-time thing. Maybe she would have been at the gate to Hell when they killed the demon. Maybe Sam wouldn't have died. And maybe, just maybe, Dean would be with her right now. If things had gone differently, maybe all three of them would be on a hunt right now. Jo continues her thoughts for awhile before she forces herself to set them aside. Thinking about "maybe" and "if only" won't bring Dean back and Jo needs to be in the right mindset to succeed.

It's dark by the time Jo arrives at her destination and she decides to get a room for the night so she'll be well-rested in the morning. She registers under the name Joanna Cronin and thinks the manager might get the joke only to be disappointed when he simply gives her the key to room 5C and instructions to be out before noon the next day. She tells him she'll be gone at dawn and asks if she can leave the keys in the drop box.

When she gets to her room, she turns on her phone. Three messages. Not surprising, considering the only people who would care that she's gone are Bobby, Sam and Ellen. She assumes that each one left messages urging her to come home. She's partly right. Sam asks her to return, tells her that she can't leave him alone. Ellen tells her she understands and Bobby just asks her to bring back some more rock salt as she's about cleaned him out. She smiles to herself and texts Sam, telling him that yes, she's fine but that she won't be returning until she's done what she's set out to do.

In the morning, Jo gets up before dawn and takes a shower. In the back of her mind she wonders if this is the last shower she will ever take. She forces those thoughts out of her head and continues preparing for the day. The knife is hidden inside of the jacket she wears and chalk and salt remain on the front seat of the Impala. She gets into the car, knowing that no matter which way today works out, it'll be the last time she gets to drive it. She turns on REO and hums to herself as she drives.

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Sorry this chapter is a bit devoid of action! The real action starts in the next one and I didn't want to give Jo's plan away too early! I promise to update again today or early tomorrow, though! Please read and review! xoxo - Becky


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks so much for all of your lovely reviews! Remember, I don't get any ff .net emails so I can't respond to reviews the normal way and I promise to pm anyone who leaves a signed review! Here's chapter 3 and I hope you all enjoy it! I'm sure you'll be a bit pissed at how I ended it, but I promise Chapter 4 will be up tomorrow morning (unless I'm inundated with reviews and then I'll have it up tonight)!

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Jo arrives at the desert and sets to work. She knows her plan is nearly a suicide mission but even if she fails, she has Ruby's knife and is fully prepared to take as many of those sons of bitches with her before she's dragged into Hell. And as twisted as it sounds, at least in Hell she'd be with Dean.

She summons a demon and is able to lure it into one of the several Devil's Traps she has set up. She doesn't kill it yet, simply leaves it there and sets to work summoning the rest of them. The demon seems confused until he realizes that they're at a crossroads and that he's bait. Jo smiles at the irony – for once it's not her.

It's taken up most of the day, but by dusk Jo has fifteen demons of varying powers trapped. She grabs some rock salt out of the trunk and puts it around each one of the demons, just in case the Devil's Traps don't work out the way she's planned.

Jo leaves the demons where they are and drives to the crossroads. She puts a picture of herself in the box and buries it in the hole. Within seconds, the demon has arrived, all dark hair and red eyes with some of the largest cleavage Jo has seen on a woman in ages.

"Well, well, if it isn't Jo Harvelle. Let me guess, you want your father back?" The demon smiles like the cat that got the cream and Jo silently wonders what the demon is trying to do as she decides to play along.

"Could you make that happen?" Jo feigns indifference, but inside she's curious. Why would the demon bring up her father? Is he in Hell? Jo knows that she's at a crossroads both physically and metaphorically now. After all, if her father is there, how can she save Dean over him?

"I wish I could say yes, but unfortunately, his soul has been at rest for some time now." The demon seems genuinely upset and Jo's mind is reeling. Part of her knows that the demon is trying to get her mind off of Dean in order to get a better deal, but the other part of her truly wants to know what the demon is talking about.

"You mean, he's not in Hell?" Jo tries to stop her voice from shaking. She still knows that the demon is trying to trick her, but even so, she needs to know the truth. Their fathers were one of the reasons Jo and Dean never worked out and she needs to know the truth before she can move on.

"I wish. The demons were going to take him that time in California, but John stopped them from doing so." The demon says this with remorse, as if she's genuinely upset that Bill Harvelle escaped Hell.

"How?" The word is out of her mouth before Jo can stop herself and she wills herself not to forget why she's here.

"By shooting him, of course. He died a violent death, but it was one of his own choosing. His soul was at peace the second John Winchester pulled the trigger and salted and burned his bones." The demon shakes her head, seemingly lost in the past world.

Jo thinks of this and it reminds her of why she was so estranged from the Winchesters before Duluth. The past. The past had made her who she was today, Dean included. And yet, the past she couldn't change was what made her angriest of all. She was angry at John and Sam and Dean for something that her father had wanted in that situation. She realizes that she can only move on, because dwelling in the past is one way to get her ass kicked by a Crossroads Demon.

"So, Joanna Harvelle, what did you want from me?" The demon is sizing Jo up and they both know what Jo's going to ask, but the demon still wants to hear it from her lips.

"I want Dean Winchester released from Hell. I want him to have his life back." Jo says this with force and the demon smirks.

"Dean Winchester is pretty powerful, you know. His life is worth more than yours, I'm sorry to say. No deal." The demon laughed and Jo finds it humorous that the demons truly don't know everything.

"I'm not trading myself. I'm trading demons. Fifteen of them." Jo sees the smirk falter from the demon's face and knows that she at least has a chance.

"Fifteen demons? You have fifteen of our demons? How?" The demon is upset and Jo does not hesitate when answering her questions.

"I summoned them and tricked them into Devil's Traps. Rock salt around their feet before I left and here I am." She's proud of herself, in a weird, twisted way. She still can't believe that she summoned and trapped fifteen demons in a day without dying. She thought someone had been watching out for her and now she knows it was Bill and John. She imagines them up in some sort of heaven, drinking beers and laughing about their children.

The demon's voice takes her out of her thoughts and Jo remembers that she must focus on this deal if she wants Dean back. "Are they alive?"

"Yes, and I'd be willing to bet your boss would be pretty pissed off if he found out that you let fifteen demons die because you wouldn't release Dean Winchester" Jo is resolute and strong on the outside, but her insides are shaking.

The demon stays silent, contemplating over what Jo's been saying. "Exorcising them will simply send them back to Hell. It's not that big of a deal." She is trying to downplay the severity of Jo's actions and Jo refuses to let her. She flashes the demon the knife.

"This is Ruby's knife." Those four words cut into the demon and she stares at Jo, knowing what must be done yet still reluctant to do so. Jo continues, "I want Dean Winchester back in the land of the living today with the promise that he is to die a natural death at an old age. I promise to release the demons as long as they don't attack the second they've been released." Jo words this in a way so that she can get Dean back without getting killed the minute he steps back on Earth.

The demon knows she's getting a good deal. A demon can kill around 1000 humans each in a year and if she gives up this opportunity, she's as good as dead.

"Deal." The demon kisses Jo and it's all Jo can do to not be repulsed by the fact that she's kissing a demon. Inside, she's laughing, imagining the look on Dean's face if he were to see the scene.

* * *

Sam walks through the new Roadhouse looking for Ellen. He finally finds her at the bar and he thinks she's cleaned it so much that he wouldn't be surprised if a hole begins to wear through.

"Sam, can I make you something?" Ellen needs to get something done. She's sick of spending the day cleaning and pretending that everything is okay when it isn't. She may trust her daughter, but that doesn't mean that she's going to stop worrying.

"I'm good. I just…this is going to sound weird, but I feel that this is going to be a good day." There, he's said it. He knows Ellen probably thinks he's crazy, but he can't help it. Today is the first day since Dean died that he's woken up with a smile on his face and he knows deep down that Jo will succeed in saving him. He wonders if it is the hope that is keeping him so happy, or if it's some sort of premonition.

"You know something, Sam? Me too." Ellen smiles up at him and Sam feels the closest he's felt to an older female since he was six months old. Maybe they were right. Maybe everything would turn out alright.

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Please review! And don't be too mad at me...


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks so much for your lovely reviews! They're always nice to wake up to! Here's the next installment...it's a bit longer than the other chapters but I didn't want you leave you hanging with the Dean/Jo ness! Please review!

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Jo had been right. Driving the Impala that morning had been her last time. Now, Dean sat behind the wheel, driving the two of them home in the dead of night.

"Are you going to ignore me the rest of the way home?" she asks him. This was beginning to get more awkward than the Philly trip with H.H. Holmes and her angry mother sitting in the front seat.

"I said all I need to say, Jo." His voice has a finality to it that she hasn't heard before and it's all she can do to not make him stop the car so she can kick his ass – again. She thinks back on what happened after the demons were released.

_Jo began releasing the demons one by one. They didn't even look at her or talk to her – they simply disappeared. She kept the final one, a child of Azazel, inside the Devil's Trap until Dean returned. _

_She sat in the Impala and waited for a sign, any sort of sign that he would be coming back from Hell. She began to finger the knife in her hand, getting ready to summon and kill that demon if she had to. Finally, she stepped out of the car and leaned against the hood, praying to the wind that this would work. _

_Around twenty minutes had passed until she saw him. Her heart leapt into her throat and she simply stared. He wore those worn jeans and his leather jacket. His face was harder, his eyes older and yet still he was the same. She released the demon and sat back down on the hood of the Impala, waiting for his inevitable wrath._

"_What the fuck did you do, Jo?" The words came out in a rush and Jo knew that he was pissed. He hadn't even remarked about her sitting on his car. Oh well, she hadn't expected much else from a Winchester. Sometimes, it seemed that they were the only ones allowed to risk their lives for the ones they loved. _

"_I made a deal, Dean." She looks him in the eye and she wishes she could tell him what she's thinking. She's thinking he's never looked stronger and she wishes she could have run into his arms, but that's not possible right now._

_She tosses him a flask filled with holy water and tells him to drink up because she's not answering anymore questions until she knows he's not a demon. He downs it with ease and throws the flask through the open window into the car. He's calmed down some, but his voice has a deathly quiet to it and if Jo were any less brave, she'd have run for the hills._

"_What kind of deal, Jo?" The way he keeps saying her name lets her know that he's more than pissed and if he hadn't just gotten out of Hell, she'd be sent there. His eyes are a dark green now and his voice is hard and Jo knows she'll be lucky if he even takes her home. Good thing she has the keys in her pocket._

"_I caught a few demons, kept them in Devil's Traps with rock salt and bargained. That kind of deal, Dean." She doesn't want to answer to him right now and hopes she sounds as nonchalant as she wants to. Not only is she pissed that he's immediately made her on the defensive, but she risked her goddamn life for him and he thinks he has the right to lecture her? He has another think coming. _

"_Jo, do you know how dangerous that is? You shouldn't have done that. You could have died and shared the cell next to me." He wants her to understand that she can't just put herself in danger, especially not for him. It's not okay. Hell is not just a sauna._

"_So you can give up your life for someone you love but I can't do the same?" Jo knows as soon as the words are out of her mouth that she shouldn't have said them. She's opened another can of worms and there's no chance Dean will let it go quickly. _

"_What did you say?" Dean knows he's heard her correctly, but part of him hopes he's wrong. _

"_You heard me. I'm not going to repeat it. I get that you're pissed or whatever and right now, I don't give a damn. You're here, you're alive and that's all that matters. I'd do it again in a heartbeat, Dean." She stands her ground, gets in the Impala and hands Dean the keys through the window. "I assume you're driving."_

"_And just where are we going?"_

"_The Roadhouse. At least, if you want to see Sam, that's where we're going." _

"_Sammy's at the Roadhouse?" Dean's disbelief is really starting to piss her off. _

"_Of course he's at the Roadhouse. Did you think we were just going to let him turn dark or stay on his own?" _

"_I didn't really think about it. I guess I assumed he'd be on his own." _

"_Well, he's not. Family's more than blood, Dean. We love him just as much as you do." _

_Dean turns up the music and Jo pretends to read a two year old magazine she found stashed in the back. _

Jo looks at him and smiles at the green in his eyes and the way his hair causes shadows to form on his forehead even in the dark. She loves the stubble grazing his cheek and the smell of his worn leather jacket. Most of all, she loves knowing that he's alive and that he's not going anywhere anytime soon.

"You want me to regret it, don't you?" The words are out before she can stop them. She doesn't know why she asked the question, because she sure as hell doesn't want to know the answer.

The moments tick by and Jo figures he is still ignoring her when she finally hears him speak up.

"You should. You should regret it. I'm not the same person I was when I left. I have this ache inside and it's not going to go away anytime soon. I'm not the person who sent you the letter and the amulet and I'm not the person who left you in Duluth. So, yeah, you should regret it, but I'm not going to say that I want you to."

They sit in silence again, listening to Metallica this time. Finally, Jo speaks.

"I don't regret it."

"I know."

They don't speak again until a little before dawn when they pull up to the Roadhouse.

Jo moves to get out of the car and is surprised when Dean reaches out and touches her arm.

"I'm still pissed at you and I would kick your ass if you weren't a girl, but thank you."

Jo knows she could say something ridiculous or obnoxious and decides to ignore the urge to do so.

"You're welcome."

"And Jo?" Dean asks, his voice slightly harder. Jo turns to look at him with a quizzical expression on her face.

"Sit on the Impala again and I'll leave your ass there once I've found you." She smiles cheekily at him, knowing that she could convince him of almost anything and he grins in response, keeping up the façade that things are okay between them.

* * *

Sam is less than overjoyed when he is awoken by Dean throwing water over his head and blasting Black Sabbath simultaneously.

"What the hell, Ellen?" He's wet and cold and he can't believe that Ellen would listen to that infernal music.

"Not Ellen." Dean can't keep the smirk out of his voice. Sammy's reaction is the stuff of legends as his eyes fly open and he jumps up from the couch and hugs Dean, boxer shorts and all. He half-expects Dean to make some joke about him being gay or about his wet boxers being see-through but Dean stays silent.

"She did it, then?" Sam worries that Jo gave herself up for Dean even though he knows the demon would never agree to that deal.

"She did something." Sam knows from that tone of voice that he will never know exactly what happened at the crossroads but he doesn't care. His brother is alive and that's all that matters.

Dean asks if they're going to continue hunting or lay low for awhile. Sam thinks and quietly tells him that they have a family larger than themselves now and he would like to have the Roadhouse as a home base, but he's not averse to hunting anymore, just prolonged road trips.

Dean hugs him again and says okay. If he hadn't just been to Hell, Sam would have thought Dean possessed.

* * *

Ellen is the hardass when Dean returns. She gives him a shot of holy water with his breakfast and he downs it without a second glance. He chuckles inwardly at how much mother and daughter are alike.

"Glad to have you back, Dean." She smiles and hugs him.

"Some daughter you have there, Ellen." He smirks at her but she sees the gratefulness in his eyes.

"She loves you."

"I know."

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Please review!


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks so much for all your reviews! Remember, I don't get any ff .net emails so all my review replies are done by PM! There's one more chapter after this one that's already been written, so start giving me ideas on where you want this story to go!

* * *

When Sam comes to thank her, Jo brushes him off with a shrug. "I couldn't just let him stay there, Sam."

"I know, but you could have died."

"So Dean tells me every time he sees me and that's when he's in a good enough mood to talk to me. Ironic, isn't it, that I'm waiting him to forgive me for saving his goddamn life?" Sam sees her anger and silently curses his brother. Dean could be a real asshole sometimes.

"He'll get over it."

Jo laughs until she cries, because right then, Sam sounds so much like Dean that she wishes Dean would talk to her.

* * *

Sam finally gets up the guts to talk to Dean and tell him he's being an ass to Jo. Things escalate and Sammy finds himself on his back with a cut lip.

"Dean, what the hell?"

"It wasn't her problem. It was mine. It was ours. It was a family problem." Finally Sam understands. Dean can't acknowledge Jo as family because once he does, there's no going back. Sam decides to make that distinction for him.

"She is our family, Dean. Jo and Ellen and Bobby. They're all we've got and we're all they've got. And yeah, it's a weird place because she's sure as hell not your sister, but I think she'd make one hell of a sister-in-law."

Sam is rewarded with another punch to the jaw.

* * *

Dean still won't talk to her.

She knows that he's angry at her, but not angry enough to give his life back. She knows he's angry that she won't apologize. Jo knows that he's not the same person he was, but that doesn't matter because somewhere underneath all of those layers, he's still the Dean she fell in love with. She knew he was broken from the second he started hitting on her and stopped. And that hasn't bothered her one bit. Maybe she can be the mortar in his cracks just as he's the mortar in hers.

On the fifth day of not speaking, she finally loses it and starts screaming at him in the middle of the Roadhouse. This would not have been a problem or even exceptionally unusual except for the fact that she does so in the middle of the night when she gets up for water and finds him awake. She walks past him and he doesn't say a word, just looks at her. For some reason, that angers her and she finally lets it all out.

"Why won't you talk to me, Dean? Seriously, why?" She's sick of walking on eggshells around him. Yeah, she knows she's got issues but so does he.

"What's dead should stay dead." She's heard those words a million times before but this time she knows he's wrong.

"Most of the time, I'd agree with you, Dean. But right now, right here, I can't. I won't apologize for bringing you back and I would do it again tomorrow."

"I'm not worth it." Then she realizes why he's really angry. He's not mad at her for bringing him back. He's mad at _why_ she brought him back. Typical. For such a cocky smart-ass, Dean certainly has an inferiority complex.

"I won't ask your forgiveness for wanting you safe." She says as she moves past him into the kitchen to get her water.

He hears the unspoken words _I won't ask your forgiveness for loving you_. For once, Dean Winchester is speechless and he can't even come up with a retort in his mind, let alone one he'd say to the woman who risked her life to get him out of Hell. Instead, he sighs and walks back to the living room.

Jo realizes Sam has heard when he talks to her as she passes the couch. "I'm sorry he's being such an ass."

He's not prepared for the lump in his throat he gets when she replies.

"I didn't bring him back for romance and daisies. I knew he'd be pissed. But at least he's alive. At least I can look at him and know that today's not the last day I'll see him. He can ignore me for the rest of our lives as long as I know he's not _there_." She walks back to bed and Sam looks over his shoulder to see Dean looking like he's been slapped in the face.

"She loves you." It's a statement and Dean is unsure how to respond.

"Yeah, me too." It's the most of a confession that Sam will ever hear from Dean regarding Jo and Sam only wishes that she'd been around to hear it.

Dean knows he's being a prick but he doesn't care. He's never dealt with this before. Sure, Sammy and he have been protecting each other for years, but he's never had someone so boldly sacrifice themselves for him. And yet she's the only one who hasn't died.

* * *

He waits a few more days to get his thoughts together, consciously avoiding Jo so that he can't be accused of ignoring her. Instead, Ellen makes a comment about how if they're going to avoid each other, they need to work harder. Instead of responding to her, he asks if she'd be okay if something happened between them. He feels stupid afterwards, because he's still too pissed at Jo to even consider a relationship. It just came out. He knows Sammy would laugh if he could have heard lothario Dean Winchester asking a woman's mother for permission to date her daughter.

Ellen only smiles and suddenly he knows why Sam feels so close to her. He hasn't had a mother figure since he was five and he'd never want to replace Mary, but someday, he wouldn't mind calling Ellen, Mom. That thought both scares and excites him, yet he wouldn't change this feeling for the world.

He's stopped feeling angry with Jo, but he just wants to know why. Why him?

He asks her this as she's doing the dishes one night and her response is one he'd never expect.

"Because I came home to find my mom playing Zeppelin after you died. Because I called you every night just to hear your voice on your voicemail. It was the only way I could sleep. Because I would have done anything to have you back alive. _Anything. _I know you don't want to hear it, but I would have let it have me if it had wanted me. It would have been okay as long as you were alive. Maybe that's a selfish reason for bringing you back, but I don't care. Sam needs you. _I _need you, so don't you dare fucking think about finding a way to get yourself killed and sent back so that _order_ can be restored."

He doesn't respond, but asks Ellen what happened when Jo found out. She tells him and for a moment he is struck by the strength of her feelings, but he is still too proud to actually do something about it. He doesn't know what he can give the woman who gave him life.

In a way, he realizes that they are at an impasse. He is unwilling to move forward and she is unwilling to go back to what they used to be. This situation is only exacerbated by the fact that he is Sam's brother and she is as good as Sam's sister. What to do, he has no idea.

* * *

Thanks for reading and remember to review!


	6. Chapter 6

This is all I have written of the story, but it is by no means finished. Please give me some ideas on how you see this ending and where it goes from here :) Thanks so much and sorry it took so long to update!

* * *

The days go on with an ease Dean and Sam have never had before. They hunt, of course, but never go more than a day away, and there are times when Jo goes with them. She's perfectly qualified to go on her own, but one thing she and Dean can agree on is the safety in numbers.

It's quite odd, really, because while Dean and Sam will talk and Sam and Jo will talk, still Dean and Jo stay silent around each other. They have the necessary conversations about the job and slightly bicker about whose turn it is to set the table or do the dishes, but they don't talk about anything real. They don't even say "How are you?" to each other anymore. Sam privately makes the comment to Ellen that they are both equally stubborn and bets a week of bartending that the two will be together before July, four months from now. Ellen takes that bet. She doesn't think they'll be together before October.

"If I didn't know my brother so well, I would have thought he'd have cracked by now," Sam remarks as he takes another pull on his beer.

"The way I look at it, Jo already cracked. He just wasn't around to see it – he only got to see its results. How long before he finally gives in, do you think?" Ellen's genuinely curious, because if there's one thing she's learned from Bill's death it's that wasting time and being angry only makes one regretful later.

"I think they'll be together by July. My brother's a selfish prick, but he's not an idiot. He knows a good thing when it comes his way."

"True, but she might be so pissed and sour that she might not take him back until he learns how to grovel. And I don't think he'll learn how to do that by then. It'll take a couple months for him to crack, but even more for him to start sucking up." Sam laughs at Ellen's remarks and thinks it's possible. If Dean waits too long, Jo's just going to be more fed up. She's not like those women in those chick flicks who will do anything to have a man want them. She demands as much respect as she dishes out and Sam is secretly proud of her for not being the dependent, self-conscious woman that most of Dean's conquests are. She'll make him work for it.

He tells this to Ellen as he finishes off his third beer. Sam's more than wasted by now, but his inhibitions are gone and he tells Ellen the one thing he's been afraid of telling her.

"Ellen, this might sound weird and I promise I'm not just saying it because I'm drunk. I just don't know how to tell you otherwise."

Ellen wants to be worried, but it's _Sam_ and she knows that he's been relatively worry-free lately, so she'll try to be the same. "What's on your mind, Sam?"

"I had a mom and she died. I never even knew her, but if I did know her, I think I'd like her to be like you."

Ellen doesn't know what to say, so she hugs him and then holds his hair behind his head as he pukes into the trash bin. She gets him into bed with the promise that she's not letting him skive off tomorrow because of some hangover that was his own doing.

* * *

One morning in May, Ellen sends Dean out for some groceries, saying that feeding two grown men requires more food than she'd thought. He makes the comment that he can get out of her hair if she wants, but she tells him that she wouldn't dream of it. After all, who would fix up the Roadhouse if not for him? He chuckles at that and asks her for her list.

He's halfway down the driveway when he realizes that Ellen just gave him the perfect opportunity to get some sort of relationship with Jo. He goes back into the house and asks Ellen where she is. She gives him that secretive smile that only mothers can and points to the storeroom.

Jo's organizing cans on a shelf when Dean walks in.

"Your mom's sending me to the store. Do you want to come?" The words are out before he can think of another way to word them – another way to say _I want to talk to you_.

She seems to get the message anyway and nods her assent before taking off her apron and following him out to the Impala.

The first few minutes of the ride are awkward, to say the least. Dean doesn't touch the stereo and neither does Jo, following the rule of _Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole_ that she heard from Sam so long ago. Finally, he speaks.

"I'm sorry I've been such a prick to you lately." She looks at him with those wide brown eyes, stunned that he of all people has apologized. She says nothing, and he continues.

"I'm not much of an emotional talker – that's Sam – but here's the thing. I don't know how to do this. Cassie was the last person I dated and she knew _nothing _about this life. It was easy to pretend. You know everything. I couldn't lie to you, even if I wanted to. And I don't want to. I don't need to. I'm used to hiding everything. Not with you. That thought scares the shit out of me, Jo. You know everything and yet still you love me."

By now, they have arrived at the grocery store and as Dean goes to get out of the car, Jo puts a hand on his arm, asking him to wait.

"I'm not asking for sunshine and romance, Dean. I know you're scared about this, but so am I. I finally have more family than just my mom and I don't want to fuck that up anymore than you do. I just want you." She worries she's spoken too much, but then he looks at her and those emerald eyes are on fire and boring back into her.

"We can't just jump into this, Jo. I haven't _ever_ said this to a woman, but I want to go slow. I want to _try_ instead of just automatically jumping into bed with you. It's not just our lives and emotions at stake here." Dean smiles inwardly, knowing that Sam would be proud of what he's saying. That thought scares him, but right now it doesn't matter, because Jo's brown eyes are looking at him in such a way that Dean would jump around in a ballerina costume if it meant that she'd continue looking at him that way. Dean cups her face in his hands and his mouth slides over hers in a kiss that speaks nothing of lust. He pulls away to see Jo smiling at him and he imagines he has the same lovesick grin on his face.

Jo kisses him on the cheek and steps out of the car. After all, they have groceries to get. On the way inside, Dean grabs her hand and she's sure that they look a sight, all smiles and hand squeezes. They're so wrapped up in this crazy love sickness that they only buy milk and salt so Ellen sends them back again, this time with Sam to supervise the shopping.

Instead of supervising, Sam does the shopping by himself, leaving Dean and Jo in the car talking. He's so happy that they're not avoiding each other that he thinks nothing of it. He comes back to find them making out like a couple of shy teenagers in the back of the Impala and doesn't say a word until they're home. He steps on the brakes as hard as he can and Jo's _oomf_ as she falls off of Dean is worth facing Dean's wrath the rest of the day.

When they get inside, Ellen is awakened from her reverie by Sam telling her that she'd better get ready to bartend the rest of the week.

* * *

Things at the Roadhouse go into a normalcy that Ellen has never seen before. Dean and Sam spend their days fixing up the Roadhouse, while Jo and Ellen spend them fixing meals for the hunters that will pass through. At night, Sam and Ellen work the bar while Jo waits tables and Dean stands solemnly in the corner, just begging a hunter to hit on Jo in front of him. The first time one does, all Dean has to do is step forward menacing and the hunter begs off with an "I'm sorry, man." Dean smirks.

The romantic inside of Jo finds it sweet but her independent streak finds it insulting and one night she calmly asks Dean why he stands in the corner, intimidating as can be. His response is now that he's got her, he'll be damned if he's going to let her go. She takes the words at face value and decides it's okay if her romantic side wins once in awhile.

* * *

And that's it so far :) Let me know what you think and where you see this going!


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